Yaaaaaarg!!!

How's a good way to tell you left your MP3 player on all night? Well, when the last song you listened too as you roll into the driveway is Dope Sick Girl by Rancid, and then as you start to leave the next morning Ram It Down by Judas Priest (which by the way is a hillarious song title since Halford came out) is playing and your playlist is not on shuffle. Then your player promplty eeks out it's out last blips and bleeps before retiring due to a low battery, is a good indicator.

As long as we're on the subject of Judas Priest, I've decide that the following Preist songs have taken on a new meaning since Halford came out.

Rocka Rolla:
Deep Freeze
Dying to Meet You
Diamonds and Rust

Sad Wings of Destiny:
Victim of Changes
The Ripper
Island of Domination

Sin After Sin:
Sinner
Starbreaker
Call for the Priest
Raw Deal
Here come the Tears
Dissadent Aggresor

Stained Class:
Exciter
Better By You Better Then Me
Invader
Savage
Heroes End

Hell Bent for Leather:
Delivering the Goods
Hell Bent for Leather
Burnin' Up
Evil Fantasies

British Steel:
Rapid Fire
Grinder
The Rage

Point of Entry:
Don't Go
You Say Yes
All the Way
The album title itself is damn hillarious

Screaming for Vengeance:
Electric Eye
(Take These) Chains
Pain and Pleasure
You've Got Another Thing Coming
Screaming for Vengeance

Defenders of the Faith:
Jawbreaker
Rock Hard Ride Free
Eat me Alive
Heavy Duty

Turbo:
Turbo Lover
Rock You All Around the World
Wild Nights, Hot and Crazy Days
Hot For Love
Reckless

Ram It Down:
Ram it Down (Duh)
Love Zone
Come and Get It
Hard as Iron

Pain Killer:
All Guns Blazing
Leather Rebel
Night Crawler
Between the Hammer and the Anvil
One Shot at Glory

Then Halford left and Ripper joined the band. He's not gay so the couple albums they released aren't as funny. The Halford came back for Angel of Retribution and Nostrodomus, but then the world new he was gay so the song titles aren't as creepy anymore.

Dear, Friends, Family etc.

Please don't assume that because I'm drunk, I'm going to turn into some kind of
belligerent asshole. I think I have a pretty damn good track record of being a drunk. 99% of the time when I'm drunk I turn into a blithering idiot, not some kind of angry wife beating trailor trash.

Also, please note, telling me "I've had too much" when I'm sitting in a chair talking out of my ass is never a good idea. Chances are If it's past 8:30 I'm a combination of drunk and over tired. Just point me in the direction of the nearest floor, couch, bed or comfy chair and let me fall asleep. Don't laught at me and assume I'm soo drunk I passed out. I stopped doing that shit when I was 16. My day starts anywhere between 5:30 and 6:15 and that's after five to six hours of sleep, so come 8 o'clock in the PM I'm ready for bed, but seeing as I'm prolly having a good time if there is a beer in my hand, I will ignore all messages my brain tells me to take my evening BM, shower and go to sleep.

Yeah true, I may not be as fun and exciting as I used to be, but having a two year old son who needs to know that throwing sand at everybody is not acceptable behavior takes some of the "sugar" out my demeanor. I get to be the disciplinarian and have to step in after hearing "Liam we don't throw sand," a thousand times. I have to use my daddy voice and let him know I'm being serious. I don't hit, yell at for no reason or swear at my son. I only give him a swift swat on the butt after the fifth or sixth time or using the "Daddy" voice, and the diaper absorbs all of that impact. After working at Toys R Us for six years I see what happens to kids when they're asked nicely to stop, and take a time out. These are Frahmann boys and the only thing we understand is pain, If it hurts we don't do it again. Which I should also know that yelling has no affect on us. So I guess just like my old man, I'm waisting my breath.

But anyway, back to the point, I'm not an abusive angry man. Just somebody who doesn't get to sit down and enjoy a good drunk as much as he used too. So yes, I can see how somebody would assume I'm overdoing it, and when I have to switch from acting like a 16 year old to Daddy mode, the transition is a little rough. All I want to do is sit around and be social with the company I enjoy. I don't really want to change a diaper or push my kid around in a stroller, I do that shit everyday. I want to involve myself with conversations that I can actaully relate too with my friends, that's something I only get to do once a month or as long as there is some kind of party.

It's been a while since this has happened

So it was Awesome Batchelor Night last night! Kid's in bed at 7:30 wife at work until 10:00. You think I sat around, drank beer and watched porno's? Did I sit on the computer and play Left 4 Dead for two hours? Hell, do you even think I sat in front of the TV and watched what I wanted to watch? Nope I drank a beer in the garage, put Liam to bed again (he likes to come in and out of his bedroom at least two or three times before finally calling it a night) busted out the fiddle and practiced that beast for 45 mins straight!

Here's the "It's been a while momment" after practicing for 15 mins, I decided to change my grip on the bow, then it hit me. It was the "Holy cow this makes perfect sense, is that all it takes" momment. Like when you finaly figure out how to perform 90% of Zangief's moves in Street Fighter for the SNES after deciding that he has the dumbest move set ever! Who the hell has the time to do a 360 on the control pad!?!

After the past 6 or so years of doing tasks that required no skill. It was an enlightening momment that I was doing something again that takes skill, patience, practice and time. Not since playing Rugby or TFC have I felt this...good? Granted I'm still a beginner at the fiddle and can't really play much other scales. I know this is something that's going to be with me for the rest of my life. Hell I might even cash in some of my old PS2 games, cause I dont' think I'll need them anymore.

Happy birthday son #1

One Last Thing Before I Forget

So I'm watching Sesame Street this morning with Liam, Elmo's World to be exact. It's the "Mouth" episode and Mr. Noodle whistles for cab. Nothing funny there right? Well the cab shows up and the driver is a green Muppet with sunglass, a dark green jacket and a mohawk. I then proceed to laugh my ass off!

I then had to explain to my sister-in law why a green Muppet with a mohawk would make me laugh my ass off.


I don't have to explain it to you do I?

In A World Gone Mad

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/07/28/AR2009072800390.html


Not only does everything give you cancer, it also kills the environment.

Humanity as a whole should just drink Jammin' Jonestown Wild Berry Kool-Aid and save the planet. We wouldn't let colon cancer get us, our carbon foot print would be reduced to zero and our dead bodies would be used to feed nature.

But of course our dying decaying bodies would let off a lot of CO2


Am I the only one that wants a Jammin' Jonestown Wild Berry Kool-Aid flavor now?

The Joys of Public Restrooms

So I'm in the restroom at work here and I there is this dude in the far stall doing his business. I get to thinking (as I do when I'm getting rid of my morning tea). I'm thinking there is no way in hell I'd put my bare ass on those toilet seats after seeing the people who belong to the asses that have been there before mine. Unless it was a "I'm gonna shit myself, I ate too much cheese and meat" momment there is no way I'd use a public toilet. Also, a man makes noises while dropping a deuce that should never be public!

When the occasion does arise that I have to use the toilet before I burst, it could be compared to the efforts a ninja would take to assisinate the Emperor. If I get to the restroom and notice another guy in there, I will stand at the urninal and pretend to pee until he leaves. Only until giving myself a three second all clear countdown do I proceed to the stall. After dousing the toilet seat in hand (ass) sanitizer, I do my business. If somebody happens to walk in while I'm doing "the business" I will sit there and not make a sound, kinda like a deer, until they leave. If they happen to get into the ajacent stall to mine I finish up as soon as possible, consider the Emperor dead, wash my hands and exit the restroom before the other party even suspects there was another person in the stall next to thiers.


Which brings to my last, whatever the hell you want to call this thing, ?observations? The three kinds of poopers. First, there's The Casual Male, you see him walk to the toilet with the newspaper under arm, cup of coffee in hand, acting like he's at home. This is the guy that will carry on stall to stall conversations with the male next to him. He recognizes people by thier shoes, and the sound of thier voice.

Second there's the I'm Just Going to the Bathroom Male. This is the guy who goes in, does his businees and leaves. Doesn't talk to anybody, gets in and gets out. Like a stealth assassin, but instead of murdering the president of some third world country, he's taking a poo.


Finally, and my least favorite there's the Berserker. The guy who lets you know what going on by making horrible noises that could be only described as a gorrilla having angry sex with an even angrier cat. They come charging into the restroom, find an open stall, rape the toilet and sit there for 15 mins. When they're done there is an errie calm and the sound of porcelain crying. It's terrifying, and they do this anywhere from one to three times a day depending on what they ate for breakfast, brunch, lunch, the after lunch lunch, and the pre-going home feast. Did I forget to mention that they normallly wiegh in at 250+ pounds.

Why did I dispatch on poopers instead of my job like promised? Because I'm an ass, deal with it.

Why I Hate My Job!

I'm sure I can break this down into three episodes" Part one, The Co-workers. Part Two, The Job I do, and Part Three The Company.

Today's episode the Co-workers!

So it's a Monday which is massive suckage to begin with, but it also sucks even more because for the first 2 hours of anybody shift, it is filled with the overpowering buzz of my co-workers bragging, sharing, and prattling on about their weekend. A majority of the people I work with are well diverse, they all like and do different things, they only seem to congregate in herds when discussing Television, Managment and other co-workers.

After six years of studying the species I've dubbed, Oldus Unionus Overwieghtus Womanus, I've come to notice a couple of things, in my office there are two types of people, the "Minimals" and the "Load Bearers".

Spotting The Minimal is easy, in an 8 hour workday, they do what is at least expected of them, and they only do what instructed to do i.e. You say "Hey put these 10 boxes on top of each other" they say "Sure!" and they do. But problems occur when the stack of boxes gets to high for them to stack the last 3, so they sit there and wait 15 mins for you to come back and tell them to use a ladder and stack the last 3. After they're done stacking the 10 boxes they will sit and engage in idle chat until you come back and give them another task.

They also have another quark, if you give them a set amount of work they must get done in an 8 hour day, they will do one of two things (which gets broken down even further, I'll explain in a bit) First if they feel the work is too much for them to accomplish in an 8 hour period (stack 50 boxes) they will complain, unionize, and next thing you know you're asking them to stack 25 boxes in an 7 hour period (you now have to give them a 30 min lunch and two 15 min breaks). That's number one, the second park of the quark is, if the work you give them is acceptable and they agree (25 boxes in an 7 hour period) they will (here's where it gets tricky) either take the full 7 hours to stack the 25 boxes or they will stack the 25 boxes in 1 hour (which is what it would normally take) and spend the rest of the 6 hours in idle chat or consuming. That is how The Minimal works. Their attributes are, they are normally overwieght, loud, complain loudly about anything, enjoy thier milk and honey job, and refer to people below them as "Idiots"

Explaining The Load Bearer is easy, and can be done with one sentence. The Load Bearer gets to make up the work that minimal doesn't do. The Load Bearer does this by choice only. They are not forced to do it, they have the same pay scale, hours, union as The Minimal, but they feel it is thier duty and job to go above and beyond what the job is. The Load Bearer can usually be spotted by thier contempt for thier co-workers, constant complaining about their job, refering to EVERYBODY as idiots, and red circles around the temple area of the head from constant rubbing.

I am a Load Bearer, I will stack 80 boxes in a day (I don't really stack boxes for a living, but it's just as mind numbing) make the same amount of money as a 25 box stacker. I get yelled at and told to get back to work when I take the last 15 mins of my shift to sit idle and talk with the only other guy in my office who isn't a Minimal. He's not really a Load Bearer, but a half-breed, He's a Minimal Load Bearer. He's one of those people who does the work of a Minimal but has the attributes of a Load Bearer. Stacks 30 boxes instead of 25, pretends he's stacked 100, engages in idle chit chat, but complains about the people who engage in idle chit chat.

My office is pretty much 90% Minimal and 10% Load Bearer, so it makes for some tense times when I'm told I need to pick up the pace becuase we have 1200 boxes that need to be stacked in an 8 hour day.


Stay tuned for the next installment Part 2, My mind numbing job.